I grew up in a religious tradition, the Churches of Christ (Restoration Movement), that emphasized God’s original intent, for example:
3. Worship in the New Testament church was originally singing acapella accompanied by the heart, therefore any other instruments of music are unbiblical and unauthorized by God.
Using this logic I have discovered that the sit-down flush toilet is unbiblical.
The individual flush toilet is a fairly recent invention of humanity, originating in 1596, and becoming popular in the 1800s, and mass produced in England by a man named Thomas Crapper. The Romans had a similar idea for their public latrines during the time of Christ, 2000 years ago. The Romans used a sit down arrangement in a row, with the normal holes for poop
ing and peeing, with running water below, that ran into the sewer lines. I’m sure this design lowered the disease rates in their major cities. The first water flushing latrines were used in the Indus Valley (Pakistan) in 2600 B.C., but flush toilets have been for richer societies for the most part, and the majority of people worldwide, even if they have flush toilets, use squat toilets in the floor of the bathroom.
Before the use of the flush toilet or the sit-down latrine, people squatted, usually above a pit latrine. Squatting, according to experts in scatology, is the healthiest way to poop, and, according to some theoscatologists (a new word I coined), is the original intent of God. We were created to squat while pooping. The apostle Paul, when trying to persuade his readers of particular points in his theology sometimes appealed to Nature. Nature has taught us that our sit-down pooping is unhealthy for us.
For instance hemorrhoids are a western phenomenon, only common in sit-down toilet societies. The position of sitting while defecating increases strain on the colon three hundred percent (yes, they measured the pressure in the colon for this statistic). Sit-down toilets, constipation and appendicitis have also been closely associated in western sit-down toilet societies, as has Crohn’s Disease, all of which are lower in non-sit-down societies.
When I lived in Africa each home had a separate servant’s quarters with a bathroom. The shower and toilet in the servant’s quarters were all one contraption, the toilet bowl being buried level with the floor of the shower, requiring squatting for elimination. A chain was pulled for flushing, the water flowing through the shower head, and draining into the toilet bowl buried level with the floor.
So my conclusion is that God, in creating humans, originally intended us to squat while pooping. Any other method of pooping is unbiblical.
The Seventh Day Adventists have long regarded natural health
as something that God has commanded us to take seriously.
[Edit: The apostle Paul disapproves of homosexual sex in Romans chapter one, capping his disapproval with the words: “and received in themselves the due penalty for their error” (possibly referring to diseases associated with male homosexual sex). If evangelicals take these verses literally for today, then they should also take any practice that has been shown to increase disease, as a sinful practice: cigarette smoking, tobacco chewing, increased sugar and simple carbohydrate consumption, suntanning, and sitting on a toilet to defecate.]
One of the main problems with squatting while pooping is that pants get in the way. This could be why we never read of pants in the Bible, another innovation that has ruined our health and taken us away from God’s original plan for humanity.
I write this partially as humor, but also to challenge our thinking about what preconceptions we bring to the Bible when we read, and to think about God and the Bible from a broader perspective.